Tuesday, February 25, 2003

Slap in the face -- I'm setting here with tears pouring... maybe I'm just a little emotional today but this post I found on this blog [ Antisocial Bitch ], just hit me square in the face. (***when you get to her blog, scroll down to..."Milestones", on February 24, 2003)

You see, I was the skinny "B" in school and reading this story reminds me about something that happened to me, but just a tad-bit different.

Tim... the guy who told me I was his best friend and buddy in the world, the guy who always was friendly to me no matter how crappy I was to him, who always had time for me, always was there with a helping hand and a shoulder, the guy who said I was pretty even when I stuck my tongue out at him. Tim was also the nerd in school and who wore glasses and leg braces and used crutches to get around.

Tim would ask me to the movies, cause no one else did. Tim would ask me to go to picnics with him and his family, but I wouldn't go cause I didn't want to be "stuck" there with people I didn't really know. Tim would invite me to the church socials, I wouldn't go to them either, I was afraid I'd let a bad word slip and be doomed to hell much sooner than I was prepared to go. And yes... Tim even invited me to school events like the Spring dance and then of all things... Tim invited me to go with him to his Junior Prom. I remember how I laughed when he asked me to the prom, I remember telling him he was being "stupid" too because he couldn't dance, and why on earth would I want to go with him? Besides all that, I mean I couldn't very well be seen with him and have my almighty image shattered to hell in front of my "so called" friends, now could I?

Kids.... and wll they ever stop to realize the power or the impact that words imply until that one day they jump up and hit 'em smack dab in the middle of the face.

One day Tim said he had to go back to the doctor for some tests and stuff and probably would be out of school a few days and he "sure would miss me." I just said OK... good luck Tim, bye! A week and then two weeks passed, and Tim never came back to school. I asked in the office about him, but they just said he was out sick. Another week passed and he still didn't come back, so I walked to his house to find out why. His mom met me at the door and said Tim wasn't seeing anyone, he didn't want any visitors. I left but couldn't figure out why he didn't want to see ME, I mean I was his best friend, he told me as much and I certainly hadn't done anything to him and I had every right to see him!

As I was walking home from school one day, I decided to go by Tim's house again. When I turned the corner I could see him setting on the porch and as soon as he saw me he shouted out... "Go away Candy, you don't want to see me today or any day, you don't want to have anything to do with me now, so go on and get on home honey, maybe another time."

Well stubborn miss here, no one was telling me what to do by damn, and especially some nerdy glass wearin' guy, who had leg braces too! I put my hands on my hips, stuck out my chest and marched myself up to the porch. Just as I hit the top step, Tim turned around and I saw the reason why he wanted me to go... he was setting in a wheel-chair with a blanket over his lap.

I remember my mouth kind of dropping open and saying something like... "what happened Timmy, what happened to your legs?" In all the years I'd known Timmy, I never once saw him cry, but I did that day. It was like the flood gates had held all they could and now everything inside just came pouring out.

I went over to him and started to hug him and he said something like... "you know Candy, it really hurt me that day when you told me if I didn't wear leg braces, you might go to the Prom with me. I knew then I'd always be wearing them but I couldn't tell you that and I knew I'd never dance either, but I'm not wearing any leg braces today Candy... I don't have to wear them anymore." He pulled back the blanket and beneath it I saw these 2 scarred up stubs where his legs used to be. I stood there gawking, looking down at the ugliness, the horrid reality that he wasn't joking, and I jumped away. Tim said... "Now go on home Candy, I don't want you to see me again!"

I took off running home, throwing myself across the bed and crying my eyes out. I never talked to Timmy again after that day, and I missed him a lot... more than anyone will ever know. I'd go by his house, but he wasn't on the porch, so I'd just go on home or on to school. Then one day about a month later, I heard whispers in the hall at school... "he didn't get any better after they cut his legs off"... "wasn't that awful what happened?"..... "he was always so creepy though".... "too bad he was like that"......"he was kind of a dork"... "those glasses were way too big for his face, they must have been his dad's"... and then laughter and someone else saying.... "or maybe his Grandpa's, ha ha ha!"

For the life of me I couldn't understand why they were talking about Timmy like that, even though he wore glasses and stuff, he was friendly and wouldn't hurt anyone, so without thinking I cut into the crowd and told them all to shut the hell up! These very people, ones who I THOUGHT were my friends were hypocrites and being asinine, and I told them they were all worthless pieces of "crap" (I used the "S" word though), and I left them standing there wondering what in the hell had hit me!

Tim died a few months later, I went to his funeral, in fact almost all of the whole school was there and there were flowers everywhere. His mom set there on the front row and as I walked by, she stood up and hugged me.... I hugged her back and then she whispered in my ear... "You know, Timmy always loved you Candy, up to the very last day." I couldn't help but cry, it was a dark day for me, it was unfair someone like Timmy had to die, but through it all the sun was shining, and then the true meaning of friendship hit me square in the face.

They say friendship is sharing the good times and the bad times, the laughter and tears, all those ups and downs with someone else who understands you, just like you do them. A true friend knows what you're feeling inside your heart without you having to tell them, and even when you make no sense, which is most of the time when you're young kids... they're still your friend. Well... that was Tim, a true friend who never saw anything ugly about me. He was always there for me and he liked me even when I was the one being "stupid" and saying all that horrible stuff, right to his face.

They say what goes around, comes around... I believe it. I also believe that life is like a Merry-Go-Round... we go around and around and we reach out hoping to grasp that Brass Ring, but most times we end up just going around and around, again and again. Funny how some things you forget to try, and how some things you try to forget, but you can't. I extend a VERY SPECIAL thanks to Donna at Antisocial Bitch for making me realize once again how important true friendship is, when you're being a real "B" about appearances or when you're just a kid and don't seem to know any better.

That's my honey thoughts... have a nice day.

By the way... HaloScan (my comments) is down again! Boo Hiss - yes, I'm remembering it's FREE too! *sigh*

Monday, February 24, 2003

Finally!! -- They finally got it fixed. I've been trying to blog, but it's been down or wouldn't load or some other off the wall something. First the HaloScan (comments) and then the blog thing itself. Yes... I'm trying to remember it's FREE, so I'm grinning and bearing it, and maybe cutting loose with a few expletives occasionally too. Ha Ha!

Have to say I am thoroughly enjoying a few blogs I mentioned in a previous post. Funny how you just feel like you're right there when you read them... as if you can hear them gigglin' and see them grinnin' as they type. Keep up the good work everyone, it's what makes people like me come back again and again... to see what you posted next.

Hope the biggest part of y'all missed the recent snowstorm, we unfortunately didn't. We received between 8 and 10 inches late Sunday afternoon and Sunday night. All schools were closed, Fort Leonard Wood was on red alert for awhile and most everyone had a 2-3 hour liberal leave. Geesh, it was a good thing we have a 4-wheel drive or Gary would be stuck at home. It sure did pile up fast and he had to get the tractor and blade out this morning, to break a path so he could get on out to the county road in the truck. Drifts were bad too! There are advantages and disadvantages to living in the country and in Missouri.

Well it's almost time for Gary to come in... he's running late tonight with the weather and roads like they are.

That's my honey thoughts... have a nice day!

Thursday, February 20, 2003

Smiley's -- Well I "think" they work in HaloScan (there's only a few) but better than none.


None of them may "actually" work, but it's worth a try if you're into that sort of thing.

In the last few days, I've stumbled upon, or uh.... visited, these blogs:

Antisocial Bitch
The Grand Ennui
Spit When You Sing
Reflections-Just My Opinion
Musings from the Underground V2.0

I find that each one of them in their own significant or unique way, serve up an entree, appetizer, salad, main course and a dessert... all in blog (journal) form of course. Anyway, if you happen to visit here, why not click on a link above... or all of them for that matter, and read a little off the wall hilarity along with some pondering thoughts and down home day-to-day happenings. I will almost guarantee that you won't leave without bookmarking one or two or more. Go ahead... take the plunge... I did!

That's my honey thoughts... have a nice day.

Sunday, February 16, 2003

Typical Update/Upgrade Problem -- Looks like my comment thing isn't working... I think Halo Scan is doing uh... something? Looked around for another comment thingy (free of course), but the only thing I could find was a ZonkBoard and I can't seem to get it installed correctly to the left side over there. It looked like "crap, crap and crap" (get the picture?) So I took the code out and will suffice with no comment section I guess, or at least until HaloScan gets their stuff fixed or back up or going again or whatever. *sigh*

In all reality I don't blog that much I reckon to worry about if someone wants to leave a comment, so why am I so worried? Because I'm a woman that's why. LOL

I've been surfing the net again, ran across a blog or two that I think is absolutely hilarious, might post the links in the next few days. Out of respect, I'll ask the blog owner if it's okay first.

On another note... the weather here is cold, it's snowing, it's sleeting, we have ice on the highway, the wind is blowing and it's like there is nothing in the semblance of insulation, between the walls in this house. Brrrrr. Colder than a well digger's a*s, comes to mind. Pity any well digger out there today... talk about freezing your well digger *buns* off!

That's my honey thoughts... have a nice day.

Thursday, February 13, 2003

Valentine's Day tomorrow -- I was surfing the web and ran across a site where a [ Valentine Poetry Contest ] was in progress. Nothing melodramatic, just your usual... Roses are red, Violets are blue.... type format. I was reading some of the entries today and I must say there are certainly some creative and talented people out there. I have set here and laughed and laughed so hard. Yes... of course I added a couple of my own little ditty's... did you think I would or even could pass up that great opportunity? Ha Ha! I think the owner of the site is going to post the "winner" in the next few days, but you know something... to me each and everyone who submitted a poem is a winner. It takes guts and courage to do something like that... when you know full well that "others" will be reading them.

Of course each one of us want to win, and each one of us are hoping that others find our poem(s) humorous. That's what it's really all about... HUMOR. That's also something we need a little more of right now with all the "stuff" going on in the world.

Congratulations to whomever the winner might be. I personally think all the poems were GREAT and each person that took the time to post one is one step closer to being the next Robert Frost or Emily Dickinson!

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Happy Valentine's Day
from me to you!

That's my Honey Thoughts... have a nice day!

Tuesday, February 04, 2003

Rose Colored Glasses -- I've been away for a few days, I had planned to post before now, but have been in a sh-lump of sorts. I've been surfing around on the net, looking for things of interest mentally and medically. It's amazing that no matter what one little word you might type into a search engine, there is always some kind of porn site associated with it, that pops up in the results. Unbelievable almost to say the least. Sometimes it's not so much in the results, but when you click on a link, there it is! I guess that's what keeps the sites able to stay online and what makes this Blog thing I'm using at the moment... remain FREE.

FREE, now there's a 4 letter word for you. Something that defines.... Costing Nothing! Well the way I see it, how can it be FREE... when if you did not have internet access, you wouldn't have a blog. If you didn't have a computer, you wouldn't be typing on a blog, if you didn't have a phone line, you wouldn't be connecting to a ISP, if you didn't have electricity, you wouldn't have a computer, if you didn't have a house, home, apartment (place you call home), you wouldn't have that PLUG to plug in your computer, to connect to your internet service provider, to get online, so you could blog.... FREE of course. :-)

I don't know about any of you, but by doggies, Gary (husband) & I have to pay a mortgage each month, we have to pay for our electricity, I had to buy a computer, I had to have a phone line and I have to pay for it's usage, I have to pay for internet access through a local ISP... just so I can click that switch and Blog FREE. Sometimes I feel so alone when it comes to blogging... am I the only one that's not seeing things through rose colored glasses?

"We are all alone until we accept our need for others" ---Anonymous

That's my accelerated thoughts... have a nice day.

Monday, January 27, 2003

Monday Blah's -- Just a typical day... or is it? The sun is shining big time, but the thermometer is like 20 F Degrees, and that's in the sun. For your information that is COLD. Just arrived back from the city not long ago, was almost too damn cold to be out. Still feeling chilly. Come on Spring and Summer... what do we have 2 more months of Winter? Aaargh!

Congrats to everyone that rooted for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, I know you're Happy, Happy today, that they won! I'm not a footbal fan, well not until it's over... then I say bring on the cheeseballs and the chips and dip. LOL We enjoyed a quiet Sunday yesterday, rented a movie called.."The Bourne Identity", with Matt Damon... was a good movie. Lots of "on the edge of your seat" action.

Yawnnnnnn!!! I've been so sleepy during the daytime lately, I think it's because I'm not sleeping well at night and then it catches up with me. Suppose those chemo treatments are beginning to play hell on the old body again too... *sigh* All in all, I've tried to not let myself lie down and "snooze" duing the day, because I figure I'll be wide awake all night for sure then. But I must say... it's rough. I need to sign off now so I can decide if I want to nap or do something that will make me stay awake.

Everyone wants to do something to help, but nobody wants to be first. ---Pearl Bailey, 1918-1990, American singer

That's my accelerated thoughts... have a nice day.